Types of abuse

Domestic violence can take many forms. Many of these don’t include physical violence.

Emotional abuse is any type of ongoing behaviour by one partner (or ex-partner) to make the other feel afraid or worthless. It can include:

Threatening their children.
Hurting their pets.
Putting them down eg, telling them that they are ugly, stupid or incompetent.
Humiliating them in front of friends, family or in public.
‘Outing’ or threatening to out them to friends, family, at work or to their cultural community.
Telling, or threatening to tell, others about their health status without permission.

“One letter to my mother falsely claimed that I had AIDS.” ADAM, 35.

Social abuse is any behaviour by one partner to control the other’s social life. It can include:

Stopping them from visiting their friends or family.
Abusing or fighting with their friends or family so they stop visiting or calling.
Cutting off the phone or monitoring calls or bills.
Preventing them from attending gay and lesbian or other events and venues.
Locking them in the house.
Isolating them from their cultural background or preventing them practicing their religious beliefs.

“She told me that my mother would never accept us, and that she would try to break us up so I saw less of my family.” LISA, 38.

Physical abuse is any type of physical violence that an abusive partner inflicts on the other. It can include:

Hitting, kicking, pushing, slapping, strangling or burning.
Breaking possessions or punching/kicking walls.
Withholding or stopping their partner from getting medication or treatments.

“He was smashing my head repeatedly into the gravel only stopping to punch me in the chest. He then started strangling me. [When I came to he said] ‘Now look what
you’ve made me do, you piece of shit’.” KENT, 35.

Sexual abuse is any behaviour where one partner forces the other to perform sexual acts they don’t want to. It can include:

Pressuring them to have sex when they don’t want to.
Pressuring, forcing or tricking them into having unsafe sex.
Involving them in BDSM without consent.
Making them have sex with other people.
Sexually assaulting (raping) them.

Financial abuse is any behaviour by one partner to control the other’s money against their will. It can include:

Taking their money or controlling their income.
Refusing to give them money or making them account for everything they spend.
Selling or destroying their possessions or making it difficult for them to work.
Threatening to withdraw financial support as a means of control.

Stalking is any behaviour by which one partner (or ex-partner) tries to intimidate or harass the other. It can include:

Following them when they go to work, home or out.
Constantly watching them, their house or work.
Calling, texting or e-mailing them or their family, friends or work colleagues more often than is appropriate or when asked not to.

“A new phase of harassment and stalking followed that included a wide range of threats ranging from ‘Come back, I’ve changed’ to ‘If you have sex with another man I’ll kill you and him’. DAVID, 27.